NORWAY: "Man eating fish and sea-mammal eating men..."

MARK McLAUGHLIN
Evening News (Edinburgh)
2 June 2010, Friday

“I’LL have seal to start and whale for the main course,” I said to the smiling Norwegian waiter, conscious of the fact that this was a phrase I had never uttered before.

Norway is a land of firsts, a genuinely unique place where it’s possible to pack in more exclusive experiences in one long-weekend than you would probably have in a month elsewhere. Majestic landscapes, well-stocked fjords, midnight sun, quirky architecture and taboo menus and are just some of the experiences on offer in Norway this summer.

However, make no mistake that such distinctiveness comes at a price. The Arctic freezes-and-thaws that created the dramatic landscape is evidence that summer temperatures can fluctuate from below freezing to upwards of 30 degrees; the preservation of its centuries old tradition of whaling attracts persistent condemnation from conservationists; while the high taxation that maintains its efficient infrastructure means it’s a very expensive place to eat and, more especially, drink.

The extortionate price of a pint in Norway is, as my friendly tour-guide pointed out in the hope I wouldn’t mention it, probably the only thing that many booze-loving Scots know about this exciting country. However, he did point to a recent survey by Edinburgh-based flights comparison Skyscanner which found that Norway is cheaper than many popular destinations including France, Spain and Italy when factoring in a cup of coffee, beer, meal, accommodation and car hire.

I have to admit that prior to my visit in early June Norway wasn’t top of my travel plans, but after three days sampling some of the best the country has to offer I’ll definitely be back. Shortly after boarding the Wideroe plane to Bergen Airport I decided to learn my first Norwegian.

“Takk means ‘thank you’,” said the attractive blonde air hostess as she handed me a coffee (attractive blondes are an abundant feature in Norway). “Tock,” I replied, to her obvious amusement. “No, Takk!” she said, stifling her giggles. “Took!!” I attempted again before she lost interest and moved on...this was going to require some practice.

Flying over the coast of Bergen was unlike anything I have ever seen. Tiny islands dot the coastline, not so much rising from the sea as appearing to float upon it like moss on a still lake. I disembarked to the most unexpected site – sunshine – which was not entirely unsurprising in a city little more than 400 miles north-west of Edinburgh but remained most welcome on an excursion where I had been advised to pack waterproofs and sturdy shoes. The warm sunshine also allowed me to see much more of those attractive Scandinavian blondes than I had envisioned.



The climate isn’t the only similarity that Bergen shares with Edinburgh. It is home to the centuries-old trading port of Bryygen, a UNESCO World Heritage site which, like our Old Town, features row-upon-row of tightly packed medieval-style housing, but unlike the brick fortresses of the Royal Mile these houses are made out of wood, a tradition that has resulted in them being burnt-down and remade several times.

Bergen has also recently reinstated its tram network after 40 years, to a similarly mixed reception.

“The people are about 50/50 for and against it,” explained our Bergen-By-Expert history guide Eirik Brudvik. “It’s a bit like marriage. Norway has a 50 per cent divorce rate. Norwegian women are very hard to live with. Demanding...but very rewarding,” he added, with a wink.

Bergen’s most famous son is Edvard Grieg, a composer who had only crossed my consciousness as the guy who wrote the soundtrack to Alton Towers and seminal ‘80s platform game Manic Miner over a century before either had been invented. Grieg, of course, is famous for much more than my limited cultural scope and the best place to discover his legacy is at Troldhaugen, Grieg’s former home overlooking the spectacular Lake Nordas which has been preserved for posterity.

Following an overnight stay at the Bergen First Hotel Marin, it was back to the airport and onwards to Tromso, the world’s northernmost city lying 200 miles inside the Arctic Circle.



Tromso isn’t much to look at from the ground. Its architecture is largely grey and functional, with the exception of a few eccentric buildings such as the split-pyramid-shaped Arctic Cathedral and the fallen domino architecture of the Polaria aquarium. However, its real charms become apparent when either looking up at the sky, or looking down on the city from the surrounding peaks.

Tromso is a key destination for viewing two of the world’s most startling natural phenomena – 24-hour-sunshine in the summer and the eerie aurora borealis in the winter.

It is also home to some amazing restaurants including the mountaintop Fjellheisen, which is accessible only by cable-car but worth it to sample the panoramic views of Tromso harbour and perfectly cooked lamb, and the traditional Acatandria Seafood Restaurant which offers up a truly unique Norwegian menu including reindeer, seal and, most controversially, whale meat.

As a fish-allergy sufferer much of the non-mammalian menu was closed to me so it was with relatively little guilt that I took my first bite of seal, which is so abundant that their numbers are regularly culled. After sampling the seal, which tasted a little like rich bacon, I do admit to some trepidation at trying my first whale.

Whale meat tastes like an impossibly lean and tender beef steak, and it soon became clear why these animals are in such high demand in the whaling nations of Scandinavia, Russia and the Far East.

The waiter’s assurances that my minke whale came from a large extended family and was hunted sustainably, with a view to ensuring that only a few hundred more of its unlucky mates would make it onto Norwegian plates, placated my palate but my guilt soon returned when I related my dinner to some horrified friends who reminded me of the inhumane way the animals are hunted – almost exclusively from a canon-fired harpoon.

A visit to Tromso Museum further exacerbated my guilt when I was able to examine a full-size skeleton hanging from the ceiling, and discovered just how mammalian these aquatic creatures are. Its pectoral fins are powered by a five-digit paddle that looks remarkably like a large hand, while its cavernous ribcage, shoulder blades and spine resembles a scaled-up human torso. I’m clearly not the only visitor who has questioned their right to hunt these animals for food, with an interactive poll revealing that 60 per cent of English-speaking visitors would advocate a ban on whaling, compared to a moderate 45 per cent of Norwegian-speaking visitors.



Thankfully, very few whales venture into Lyngen Fjord, around two hours drive from Tromso and home to Lyngsfjord Adventure’s summer fishing expeditions, so I was spared the indignity of having to explain myself to my dinner’s buddies. However, I did encounter an altogether less-elegant but no less controversial animal.

Casting my line to the bottom of the Fjord, it wasn’t long before I felt a powerful tug on the hook. Struggling with the reel, I peered over the starboard side to come face-to-face with a grotesque grinning monster baring a fearsome looking row of teeth. The skipper immediately came to my aid warning me not to go anywhere near its mouth.

“It’s a wolf fish,” exclaimed my excited Lyngsfjord tour guide Morten Pettersen. “Its jaws have a very powerful reflex action that’ll have your hand off, even after it’s been dead for more than an hour. Very tasty though. I’ve never caught one before.”



Morten could barely contain his delight when he learned about my fish allergy and realised I wouldn’t be fighting him to take the beast home (which is prohibited anyway - or so my hungry looking guide claimed). Also, with my whale still giving me moral indigestion, I was in no hurry to sample another increasingly rare delight. The wolf fish, or seawolf, is currently listed on the US National Marine Fisheries Service’s “species of concern” list. Three days in Norway and I had already become a conservationists nightmare.

While I would have no hesitation in returning to Norway it was clearly time to leave, and thankfully the exits were clearly marked. The exit sign above the departure gate door said “Ut” – and after a weekend of high mountains, freezing fjords, man-eating fish and sea-mammal-eating men I was glad to make it “oot” alive.

• Free international flights are available to anyone buying Widerøe’s Explore Norway Ticket between June 22 and August 27 ranging from one-zone for £289; two zones £350; and all three zones, £415, with an additional week costing just £180. Children from two to 11 enjoy a 25 per cent discount when travelling with their parents or grandparents.